Green With Envy: How to Turn Jealousy Into Fuel
(Sidenote: This blog is based on a video I recorded 11 years ago when my business was really young and I had two kids under three. Life was a very different kind of busy.)
I have felt jealousy and envy. Many times.
How about you? Have you ever looked at a competitor, a colleague, a stranger online, or even someone close to you and felt that tight little pull in your chest?
Think of a person right now you’ve felt a little envious of.
What triggered it?
Maybe it was…
- Something they achieved
- Something they bought
- An opportunity they landed
- A relationship
- Their energy
- Their looks
- A part of their personality
- Their lifestyle
- Their job
For me, it has been all kinds of things at different points.
Years ago, I remember noticing someone on social media doing work similar to mine - coaching. And it hit me hard. I loved how she was running her business. I loved her confidence, her consistency, her presence. Then came the drop. “Why can’t I do that? Why isn’t it happening for me? That’s how I want things to look.”
Have you felt that? The mix of admiration, frustration, and self-judgment. It is not fun to admit. But it is human.
And social media makes it even harder. We’re no longer comparing ourselves to people in our real lives. We’re comparing ourselves to thousands of highlight reels. Perfect lighting. Perfect captions. Perfect timing. One scroll, and suddenly you’re doubting your progress, your pace, your decisions, even your identity. Even when we know it’s curated, our brains still treat it like the full picture.
During all this, my business advisor said something that snapped me back to reality. She reminded me that the woman I was comparing myself to was further along in her business, wasn’t married, had no kids, and had endless hours to pour into her brand. Meanwhile, I had two kids under three, a growing business, and a few precious part-time hours to build an empire. No wonder it didn’t look the same. No wonder the timelines were different.
That perspective grounded me. It reminded me that context matters. Life stage matters. The weight you’re carrying matters. You cannot compare your full, busy, beautiful real life to someone else’s single-focus schedule or their polished online presence.
Two Ways to Respond
Some people shut down when jealousy hits. They think, “Well, someone already did it. Too late for me.” Or even, “They took my idea.”
The other option is to use it.
- To let it spark something.
- To think, “Thank you for showing me what I want.”
Back then, I didn’t choose the spark right away. I got annoyed. I fell into comparison. My saboteur sharpened its claws. It slowed me down.
But looking back, most of the people I envied had more years in the game, more support, or just a clearer runway. And I, meanwhile, was doing my best in a season that required gentleness, not power drive. I just couldn’t see it at the time.
The Mirror Lesson
At one point, I opened up to someone about how embarrassed I felt about my jealousy. The advice was simple, and it stuck with me. People show up in your life for two reasons. They either hold up a mirror and show you something you need to see, or they’re someone you’re meant to help.
This person was definitely holding up a mirror. And once I saw that, the whole thing shifted.
She wasn’t ahead of me. She wasn’t better than me.
She was simply reflecting a version of me I hadn’t stepped into yet.
And if I were telling this story today, I’d add one more thing. Sometimes people appear in your life to wake you up. To shake you out of autopilot. To make you look straight at the dream you’ve been tiptoeing around.
Your Turn
The next time jealousy hits, don’t judge yourself. It’s normal. Just don’t let it drag you down. Don’t let your inner saboteurs claw at your confidence. Let the feeling fuel you instead.
Thank the person silently for the clarity. You don’t have to call them and say, “Thanks for sharing the photo of your new car” or “Thanks for sharing your flashy new website.” Just acknowledge the lesson and return to yourself.
Then ask, “Now what am I going to do with this information?” Envy and jealousy like other emotions are just information.
Let it raise your game. And let it point you toward what you truly want. Because envy usually shows up when you’re ready for your next level.