The 50 Friends by 50 Challenge (And What It’s Teaching Me)

I recently published on social media about wanting 50 friends before I turn 50, and I'll be honest, I almost didn't post it. It felt way too vulnerable.

In this blog, I'm sharing more about the 50 friends by 50 challenge, why I'm doing it (the vulnerable part), and what it's teaching me.

The Pattern Started Early

Let me start with when I was younger. In high school, I've always been the person who knows a lot of people and is known by a lot of people. I knew classmates, students from sports and clubs and the student council, plus my soccer and rugby friends.

I wasn't around at lunchtime because I was always in a meeting or catching up on something for sports. I had a friend who kept me connected to the group, but I had a lot of acquaintances and teammates, not a ton of super-close friends.

But this was the age of no cell phones and no texting. I'd sit at home waiting for the call to know where people were going, and I wouldn't get it. I'd often sit at home by myself.

I'd get to the lunch table on Monday, and people would talk about a party that had happened. I'd sit there quietly because I wasn't there. People would say, "Why weren't you there, Diane?" Everyone thought everyone else was inviting me. I also had a boyfriend for many years, which took up some of my free time.

The Pattern Continued as an Adult

As an adult, moving out to BC, I started making new friends through Toastmasters, soccer, and rugby. I remember sitting after a Toastmasters event, talking about wanting to hike in North Vancouver, but feeling nervous to do it alone because of bears.

Another lady around my age said, "Oh, I thought you have so many friends you can go with."

I said, "No, I don't."

She was shocked. She said, "I've been wanting to hang out with you, but I just thought you already had a lot of friends."

It was a real eye-opener. I'm either putting that energy out there, or because I know a lot of people, people think I have tons of friends.

I've always had a few super close friends growing up, but one now lives across Canada (because I moved), another in Australia, another across the world and another further away in BC. I have some friends, but again, as an adult, I know many people and many know me. When I was running the Dynamic Women community across eight locations, I met hundreds of women, but they weren't my close friends.

The Birthday Party Dilemma

When it came to my birthday, it felt weird saying, "Hey, do you want to come to my birthday party?" I felt very vulnerable asking. That idea of "Don't you have a ton of friends? You only know me a little bit. Why would you invite me?"

I often had super small birthdays because I felt weird, bad, and uneasy asking people. One year, I didn't really do anything. The following year, I decided to do breakfasts, lunches, and dinners with my Dynamic Women community in different cities. Women came, and it was wonderful. I felt honoured they would want to come.

Since I haven't really been running Dynamic Women® events, I've been thinking, "What's going to happen when I hit my 50th birthday?" I would love for my husband to throw a party for me, but would I have friends to invite?

I've been to other people's 50th birthdays where they rented a place and had all these people there, and it wasn't just people, it was their friends. I thought, "Wow, that would be so cool if I could confidently invite 50 friends to that party."

I'm 46 now, turning 47 in September. It's not like I haven't built closer friends here.

I do have friends at church, soccer, business, in my neighbourhood, and parents of my kids' friends. I just want them to be closer friends.

How I Learned to Be a Better Friend

One lady I met at Dynamic Women® started calling me on Mondays. We'd chat, get closer, and she kept calling every week. I felt so special that she called me.