The Friendship Gap That No One Talks About

There’s a friendship gap that doesn’t get talked about much, but a lot of high achievers feel it. Today, I want to share what that gap really is… and see if any part of it feels familiar to you.

This is the third in a series all about friendship. The first one is about the 50 friends before I’m 50 challenge that I’m committing to. The second one is about why high-achieving women struggle to maintain friendships. The next one will be about how to build and maintain meaningful friendships.

The Gap Isn't About Not Having Friends

It's deeper. It's about the depth of those friendships.

There's something I don't think we talk enough about: we can have a really full life but still feel really disconnected. You can know a lot of people and still not feel deeply known, or still feel lonely.

I've had moments where my calendar is full of events with lots of people, my business is moving forward, I have lots of clients, my family is good, and yet something feels a little bit off. It's not that I feel bad or like life is terrible. It's just like something's missing.

When I really looked at it, it wasn't more people I needed. This is not about getting just 50 people to be my friend, because I can just name off 50 people.

It's the deeper connections with the right people. I'm not saying there are wrong people, but the right friendships for me and that I'm the right friend for them, and that we have a deeper connection.

Surface Level vs. Depth

What I’ve noticed is this layer of surface-level friendships and acquaintances.
There are a lot of people in my life. A lot of conversations, interactions, and little touchpoints throughout the day. It can look full from the outside.

But it doesn’t always feel deep.

And it’s not because they can’t go there, or I can’t go there. It’s just that we haven’t crossed that line into something deeper yet.

The Circles of Closeness

I was talking about this inside my Dynamic You program, and one of the women brought up something really interesting.

She said, “I know a lot of people… but I don’t actually want to bring everyone in close.”

Because she’s so warm and friendly, people tend to open up to her really quickly. And she finds herself thinking, “Whoa, whoa… we just met. This isn’t the level I’m trying to be at right now.”

And it led to this conversation around circles of closeness.

Not everyone belongs in the same circle. You might have a small handful of people who are truly close, your inner circle. And then, like rings on a tree, it expands outward. Still meaningful, still valuable… just different levels of depth and access.

The High Achiever Experience

A lot of times, high-achieving women are often the leaders, the ones running things, holding space, teaching, training, being there for others, coaching, advising, consulting, or just being a role model to others. They're often the successful ones in the room, and they just feel like they don't have a place where they can actually just exhale, to be fully themselves, to say what's really going on beneath the surface.