Your Success Depends on Who You Spend Time With
Have you ever been part of a group and thought, "Oh, where are my people? This isn't the right fit"? Or maybe you've had a glimpse into what it's like to be around your ideal people. If so, you'll want to read this blog, as I'll discuss how your success depends on the company you keep.
What Sparked This Topic
This topic came up because I had three separate conversations this week with three different women who talked about a desire for the right group of women to hang out with and a mismatch of values with the people currently around them. It's especially important at this time of year as we're resetting in the fall, though this is crucial any time of year.
As I shared in the previous blog, we're keeping what matters, creating more good things, and cutting what isn't serving us. The next layer of that reset is your environment and the people around you. No reset or plan will have a lasting impact if the people around you aren’t supportive or helping you grow. The right environment is essential for sustainable change.
(And I'm not saying your family members need to be business-minded. My husband works a 9-to-5 and has a very different mindset. He's supportive but doesn't brainstorm marketing strategies with me, and that's perfectly fine!)
Three Eye-Opening Conversations
Let me share three conversations that led to this topic:
First: A successful member of my local community said, "Diane, where are the other multiple six-figure business owners? The $500K+ and million+ business owners? I want to hang out with more of them because the conversations are different." Very true.
Second: Another mastermind member told me how grateful she is to mastermind with me and others because we "get her." We're not putting her down for her success, and we understand the conversations that need to happen when you're a business owner or high-achieving corporate woman. Many of her friends talk about potty training and meal planning, while she's discussing programs, offerings, and traveling for work. They just don't get it.
Third: During lunch with someone, I mentioned my mastermind, and she said she doesn't have one right now because she hasn't found people at her level. Otherwise, she ends up being like the second coach in the group. Everyone's paying the facilitator. She's paying too, but she seems to be running the show because people come to her with questions.
All four of us in these conversations are passionate about giving back and teaching others, but we also want to be inspired, led, and challenged by those around us. That's crucial for success.
The Truth About High Achievers
Here's the truth about high achievers: As a high achiever, you’ll get it. Many women pride themselves on their independence, but success doesn't happen in isolation. We can't be silos or do it all ourselves. That's why I have two VAs on my team, multiple masterminds I attend, coaches I work with, and business advisors.
Take a moment for reflection with this tough question: Who's speaking into your life? Are they fueling you or draining you? Moving you up or down? Contributing to your success or instrumental in any failures?
The Energy of Like-Minded People
When you're around like-minded people, there's energy that forms because there's resonance in conversations. When you're around other ambitious, value-aligned women who normalize big goals, that's powerful.
I remember talking about goals and hearing responses like, "Oh, don't work too hard," or "That sounds crazy. How are you going to do that?" Their insecurities came forward with questions about time, money, and feasibility. We don't want other people's insecurities stepping into what we're doing.
When you start having success like winning awards, closing clients, launching programs, writing books, others can think you're "too much." But here's the thing: In the wrong room, you're too much. In the right room, you're actually on track.
Like-Minded Doesn't Mean Identical
When I say "like-minded," I don't mean identical. It's not a room full of the same kind of person like all coaches or real estate agents. It means you're like-minded in your:
- Drive to succeed
- Shared beliefs and values
- Shared desire for possibility
- Higher expectations for yourself
- Love of challenges
The Wrong Crowd vs. The Right Crowd
In the wrong crowd, you can feel misunderstood or diminished. Let me share some examples:
Business Example
I was at a mastermind I thought was high-level. Someone was asking for suggestions, and when another person suggested a "lead magnet," they asked, "What's a lead magnet?" I hadn't even suggested that because I assumed someone in business for 20-30 years would have multiple lead magnets already.
Contrast that with being in a room where people are making multiple seven figures. I needed to hear that. Their sharing stretched, inspired, and challenged me. I felt like a small fish in a big pond. They were doing incredible things, which inspired me to do great things too.
When you're in a room where conversations are years behind where you are, it can give you a big ego and make you feel like you don't need to challenge yourself anymore. You become the big fish in a small pond, which can make you apathetic and lazy.
Soccer Example
I joined an over-30s soccer league after moving provinces and got placed on a team that wasn't very skilled. Though I'd played competitive soccer my whole life, I was adapting my style to fit their limitations.
A player coach from another team approached me and said, "Don't be offended, but I think you're becoming a worse player." She explained that instead of playing proper midfield and carrying the ball like a good player, I was just "hoofing it", doing long kicks to get rid of the ball because I couldn't execute proper plays with my teammates.
She was right. I wasn't surrounded by the right players to play good soccer. When I moved to the better team, I could actually play well again, but I had to unlearn the bad habits I'd developed. The key insight: I was still a good player on the weaker team, but I wasn't playing good soccer.
The Power of the Right Environment
When you're in the right mastermind, retreat, event, or circle of peers, whether in soccer, music, church, arts, or anything else, you feel expanded and inspired. The cool thing is, when you see others doing amazing things, you think, "I'm going to do that too," and you become braver.
I just heard about someone who went from creating a $100,000 coaching program to a $250,000 one. Even if that just pushes me to create a $50K program, it makes me braver, inspires me, and expands what I think is possible.
Shrinking vs. Rising
This emotional difference of shrinking vs. rising matters so much, especially in September when you're deciding what to keep, cut, and create in your schedule.
Shrinking
Without like-minded women around you, you can shrink back into old patterns. If you join a group that makes it okay to not go for the sale or not work out (or whatever your goals are), you won't achieve them.
You might also shrink yourself by thinking, "I can't tell them I got another award or published another book because they'll feel bad about themselves or make nasty comments." This is the tall poppy syndrome, when you start poking your head up, people cut you down. Also, like crabs in a bucket pulling each other back.
If you're in dissonance with people trying to shrink you, you'll have a lack of energy that leads directly to burnout.
You need to share and celebrate your accomplishments to grab motivation and use it as momentum moving forward.
Rising
With the right people around you, they'll:
- Help you hold your vision longer
- Keep you accountable to your goals
- Help you lead yourself with courage
- Inspire you to feel more courageous and brave
- Help you avoid burnout through support and positive energy
If you're in resonance with people helping you rise, you'll have more energy that leads directly to reaching your goals.
You Don't Need a Massive Network
You don't need tons of people. How about five? Five aligned voices, five aligned people in a mastermind or five in a group can shift everything for you.
Jim Rohn's quote hit me like a slap in the face: "You're the average of the five people you spend the most time with." I discuss this in my book and program Dynamic You™, I talk about creating your board in the Connection Pillar (Chapter 4, page 46). Your Action Steps
Here's what to do now:
- Write down the five people you spend the most time with. Family members? Friends? The negative neighbor? Even a nanny or someone who cleans your home if they're coming frequently and bringing negativity.
- Ask yourself: Do these five people reflect the type of person I want to be in the future? Do I want to be the sum of these five people?
- If not, it's time to choose a new board. Shake up your circle and put new people in there. You get to choose these five people (excluding family you must be around).
Here's the tough love: That's the mirror of your future. Those five are who you're going to become. Do you want to become those people? Are you inspired and motivated by them?
Your People = Your Success or Downfall
Based on these three conversations and what I've covered today, your people will be your success or your downfall. That's why I'm developing a high-level, like-minded group of women who will inspire and help you be bolder, better, and reach your goals easier.
If you're interested in being part of that, please email me at [email protected]. I'm putting together a waitlist, so stay tuned for some exciting developments.
Remember, this is a great conversation starter with someone you'd like to be part of your five. You could share this blog as a way to invite them into your five, and maybe you can be part of theirs too.
Until next time, stay dynamic!